well.. this is meh!! *winkywink

pain...

I don't know what to do or even what to feel. I'm so confused that my head is aching so much. But nothing's gonna beat the pain that my heart feels right now.

If I were a computer, I think I am needing an IT right now.

I need to be shut down; then restart me and create a new account. And the previous account that has full memory will be deleted.

If only it's as easy as that.

(sigh)

I have a lot of questions. so many queries...

No one knows the answers. (And no one will...)

Happiness?

It's only in dreams.

lil' gurl

I never thought there is such thing as "true love".

Uhmmm.. maybe i over exaggerated about it but
with what I've seen as i grew up, i thought it would be impossible.

I remember when i was in high school, i told my self that I'm not going to wed, but I'm going to have a baby. (lol! that was really stupid!) I planned to be a single parent :D. And I told my self that I'll just do it if I'm financially stable already (of course. I want to be able to attend everything what my child needs.) :D

I was thinking that I don't need a man to be happy. Nevertheless, I knew then that its hard to raise a baby, especially alone and unmarried. I thought I can do it because I knew then that I'm going to be a strong and independent in the future. Moreover, it would just be an additional headache to me as a working mom to have a disloyal husband who would just leave me in the end. So what is the use of the marriage? (i know.. i know.. that was insane..) So my plan was to have a baby whom I know will love me unconditionally and would never leave me because he/she is my own.

Well.. I came out with this plan before, (when I was just barely living the planet) because I was thinking that men will never be faithful until the end; that all of them will later get apathetic to their wives; they will look for another women we called "mistress"; and the result? wives' misery, obscure and confuse children, and a broken family.

Now, I know I was wrong. I was unfair judging and generalizing the men.
Well, you can't blame me. I was just a smart little girl who thought I understood everything. :))

Uhmm.. well... everything changed.

And it was because of him. ;)

i don't know.. maybe..

It's true that you don't need to be someone else to be loved by someone you love.
But let's admit it, whether we like it or not, there are things that will really change. Sometimes those things will somehow make the relationship stronger and even better.

There are also times that it will just be the contrary.

Never the less, it is wrong when people change themselves to opt for a perfect relationship.

If you want to change yourself, like e.g. from being a pep girl to a punk one, I think that you need to be matured first. I mean there should be a cycle to become what you really want. It has to be a process. You can't just divert your "likes" and "dislikes" in just a snap of your finger just to please the guy. You also need to know what are the consequences of your "WANTS" of changing. So you need to be fully responsible for what ever your decisions in life.

That was just what I think... But for me it's still the best to be just your self; to be who really you are.. it is the only way to bring out the uniqueness from within you.

I don't know if I'm making sense here.. (lol!)

Just leave a comment if you think so.. :D

"Love is far from a ball of masquerade; where if you are already fed up and tired, you'll just leave; take off the mask, and trash it."